Facebook is for Jerks

Lately I've been trying really hard to keep up with the younger generations. God knows why, I guess I just want to prove that just because I'm old doesn't mean I can't turn on a damn computer. Keeping up with the cool kids unfortunately means joining Facebook, a totally retarded invention that just lets people show off. Everyone on Facebook is an idiot, including me.
Here are the two main things I hate about it
1 - Status updates: 'John is in London, partying on!', 'Jane shouldn't have got so drunk last night', 'Tim is in Fiji!'. Basically status updates are a wank. Why would I care what some dick who I haven't seen in three years but who added me to boost the number of friends on his list is doing? Furthermore status updates are just a way for people to show off and let everyone know how cool they are. Piss off and die.
2- Profile pics - I hate people who pose for their profile pics. You know, the ones where people have all their makeup on and are pouting. Worse are the ones where people are trying to look 'wild' or 'out there'. But my biggest pet peeve are the 'couple' profile pics - basically just a way for people to say ' Hey look at me I have a boyfriend/girlfriend..' these ones are most commonly used by people who were losers in highschool and now need to let everyone know they managed to find love. Vomit. Oh and to all those people who take photos of themselves for their profiles: rot in hell. What the fuck is your problem? Don't have any real friends to take your picture?
I could go on but I won't. Typing when you have arthritis is a real bitch.
Fuck you
Dorris

Old Geezers Looking For Love

Here's a much smarter way to find companionship in your senior years:

http://www.smh.com.au/news/specials/unusual-tales/107yearold-woman-seeks-first-husband/2009/01/13/1231608663090.html

Instead of trying to use her no doubt barren and dusty womb to pop out a few kids, this smart old geezer is out to find a husband. Let's hope she finds a hot widow with a cheeky smile and zest for life. Of course many men her age are either dead, senile or in a vegetative state but who says you can't have a happy relationship with a vegetable prone to WW11 flashbacks?

Best of luck to you Ms Wang! Just remember to sign a pre-nup!

Dorr

Grummies - Not Cool!

Ok so now thanks to IVF it seems every old fart past her prime is out to start a family.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/specials/unusual-tales/worlds-oldest-mother-gives-birth--aged-70/2008/12/09/1228584778298.html
If you ask me, this is just not cool. These Grummies (Grandma Mummies) are going to be six feet under by the time their kids start crawling. Not to mention that it's going to mean double nappy changing and drool wiping for their carers.
Oh boo hoo they're old and lonely and want some company. Buy a frickin poodle or a budgie!
I'm lonely but I'm not about to squeeze out a rugrat or two. There are other ways to connect to people - try blogging for example, or stalking someone pretty on Facebook.
Get a grip.
Dorr

What Gets My Goat

You know what really gets my goat? When people think that it's OK to spend 2 million dollars on a pair of shoes.
Check out the most expensive shoes in the world...
http://www.rediff.com/money/2004/apr/06shoe.htm

Am I supposed to be impressed? Honestly if I didn't know they cost 2 million I'd think they were a pair of $40 K-Mart shoes that some dumb bimbo was planning to wear to the school dance. You know, the kind of barbie doll wanna be who wears pink satin and bleaches her own hair.
If I came across them in a charity shop I'd be reluctant to pay 50c for them so that my grand daughter could add to her dress up collection.
OK, so they're studded with real diamonds; how la di da. It doesn't make them tasteful you know. You can't just throw a bunch of diamonds at something and suddenly expect it to be instantly cool or tasteful. Oh look a piece of shit with a diamond on top, I simply must have it! Ridiculous!
Bite me,
Dorr

Welcome Assholes!

It seems any asshole can create a blog these days and seeing as I've never been one to let trends pass me by I thought I'd jump on the band wagon with all the young whipper snappers out there. Gerry is short for geriatric by the way. I've called this blog 'Gerry Bitchin' because I'm basically going to use it to have a go at young people and all the ridiculous things they do.

I'll start off by telling you a bit about myself and how awesome I am.

My full name is Dorris Frankfurt Pecker and I'm 81 years old. I love life, living, being alive and not being dead (yet). My hobbies are interpretive dance, mime, archery and bird watching. I'm interested in Helen Keller and above ground swimming pools.

Every week I'm going to bitch about something that annoys the shit out of me.

Best Wishes,

Dorris F Pecker (my friends call me Dorr).